I am going to work, and I am hungry. On my way, I stop and order a sandwich from a shop that I have only visited once before. I scroll through Facebook on my phone while I wait.
The last time I was here, months ago, I got a sub and ordered no mayonaise. I waited so long that I took my sandwich to go. I had plans to meet a friend, and I had just enough time to eat quickly on the way.
When I opened the wrap, my sandwich was smothered in mayo. To me: inedible. I was angry. I was “hangry”. I called and complained. I regretted it afterward, and I didn’t return for months.
Today when I ordered, I normally, but clearly, asked for “no mayo”.
As I paid, the server asked if all ingredients were ok on my sandwich. When I repeated the no mayo request, and she said, “I’m sorry, you already said that.”
“No problem!” I said. “I really don’t want mayo, so thanks for asking!” I am trying to be present. I am trying to live in the moment. I learned that suffering is often caused by attachment to how we think things “should” be. These opinions are formed and then reinforced throughout life. The solution to living mindfully is to not let my past experiences determine how I see current situations. Drop the baggage, if you will.
So I wait patiently (kind of) and without expectation (not really) and I scroll.
A quote from Alan Watts on my Facebook feed catches my attention. It asks, “Are you in the current now or the same old now that you are used to.”
My first reaction to this quote is an expression I learned in Thailand. “Same same, but different.” This idiom worked to contextualize the complex array of travel choices I faced as a backpacker with limited time and funds confronted with a myriad of choices.
Out of the 15 temples to see, which is the best? Same same but different. 50 restaurants to choose from for dinner? Same same.
Which tour company is best for jungle treks? Same same.
In my understanding, it is roughly equivalent to the American expression “It’s all good”. All of the choices have advantages and differences, but they are approximately equal overall.
Alan Watts asks his question in order to illustrate how it can be easy to live in the past, when a person lives in their head. Current situations are clouded with previous experiences and preconceived opinions that prevent us from living presently and experiencing the events that are happening immediately in our conscious awareness.
My immediate association of that idea with the Thai colloquialism, “Same same, but different” is probably rooted in my personal conundrum with this suggestion.
My ego, my personality, my “me- ness” is composed of my opinions. My opinions have been formed by (what I consider to be) thoughtful analysis of my previous experiences. It is my illusion that these opinions are continually reinforced through more similar experiences. It is this illusion that makes my ego believe that these experiences illustrate a objective truth that I use to guide my decisions.
In reality, If it weren’t for my limited perspective, I would clearly see that I project my past experiences onto my current situation, thus preventing me from fully living in the moment and causing many of my problems. Problems that would not exist if I did not carry my baggage around everywhere. So:
All problems= self created, ego created. Illusion.
WAKE UP!! Live in the present!! Heavy stuff.
I put down the phone to ponder this, and walk to refill my drink near the front of the restaurant. On the way, I pass a man standing at the counter register and can hear him angrily saying, “Have a nice day. I’ll never be back in this place again!”
He was pissed. The girls were giggling. I walked back to my table and
my sandwich was waiting. Slathered in mayo.
I knew it!
I did not complain, or inform them of my future sandwich plans. I left the untouched sandwich at a bus stop outside of the coffee shop next door while I worked. I watched a man walk over, unwrap it, and go back to his bench. He ate it hungrily, and seemed to enjoy it, even with it covered in disgusting mayonnaise.
I enjoyed this outcome, and I thought about how it might be possible to embrace most of the inconveniences that life presents, with the right perspective.
Is it possible to be satisfied when I do not get what I desire? Is it possible to live in awareness not be emotionally sabotaged by cynicism?
Am I more content when desires are fulfilled, or when I let go of attachment to the way I think things should go?
I’m not sure if I will ever be back to the sandwich shop. I’m trying not to think about the future too much. Just like thinking about the past, it can leave me clueless in the present.To be honest, if I returned, I would expect my order to be wrong. So I still cling to learned experiences as a way to understand my present situation. Biased from the past, skeptical about the future. Two different ways to be preoccupied with unproductive thoughts and miss what is happening in the moment.
Same same, but different.
sonny d. 